


Out of the Crowd

by philsdrill



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Claustrophobia, Comfort, Dan Howell - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Panic, Panic Attack, Phan - Freeform, Phan Fluff, Phandom - Freeform, Phanfiction, Phil Lester - Freeform, Playlist, VidCon, anxiety attack, crowds, danisnotonfire - Freeform, panic disorder, phanfic, phanfluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 22:06:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13726929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philsdrill/pseuds/philsdrill
Summary: Stuck in a crowd at vidcon, Dan has a panic attack and Phil has to get him out of there. Comforting and hugs take place in a private youtuber lounge before they are due on a panel. Fluff.





	Out of the Crowd

**Author's Note:**

> I'm working on uploading my fics from tumblr to here, so if you happen to have seen it before, I posted this in April 2016 on there. Also if anyone's interested in following me on tumblr - I'm more active on there and there's more fics - you can find me at [philsdrill](https://philsdrill.tumblr.com).

**Phil’s POV:**

“Stand back,” I yelled into the crowd around us, “Please. Give us some space.”

Dan was hunched in on himself, hands over his eyes, crying. Crowds made his anxiety particularly bad and we’d just been mobbed by a bunch of fans. We loved them, but being surrounded and crowded by that many people would be too much for anyone. They moved back a little, giving me space to move a little, but not enough space to move and I really needed to get Dan out of here.

It was far too loud for me to hear how he was breathing, but I could see from his rapid chest movements that the answer was not well. I needed to get him out of here, to speak to him, to tell him everything was okay.

“Guys, you need to move,” I yelled a bit louder and I saw Dan flinching at my words, “He’s having an anxiety attack. STAND BACK.”

This time it seemed to make a difference and there was now a small circle of space around Dan and I.

“Dan,” I spoke softly, getting a little closer to him, “You’re going to be okay, just stay with me and I’ll get you out of here. I’m going to put my arm around your waist - is that okay?”

Dan nodded silently, but there was no difference in his anxiety symptoms. Tentatively, I placed my arm around his waist so I could guide him out of the crowd. I lead him to the edge of the circle, where the people in front of us got the message and parted before us. Slowly we walked forwards, Dan very close against my side and curled in towards me.

We might’ve been swimming through a pool of syrup for the amount of time it took us to get out. Dan was shaking and now crying harder but I couldn’t do anything to help him, not until we were away from the crowds of people and the thousands of voices ringing in our ears.

Like most crowds, it didn’t really have an edge; it just slowly petered out into nothingness. This was where it got easier, we could walk faster; well as fast as Dan was able to. As much as I knew he needed out of here now, I didn’t want to rush him too much, because it would take him longer to recover if he was also out of breath.

Once the crowd was thin enough, I could see the walls of the large space we were in. Numerous doors lead off of it, and I was willing to bet that one of these led to a bathroom of cupboard or some sort of room that wasn’t full of people.

Dan let out a particularly loud and shaky sob, so I stopped for a second to give him a few more comforting words.

“We’re out of the crowd,” I reminded him, “We’re going to find a cupboard or bathroom or something through one of these doors at the side, okay?”

Dan nodded, briefly lifting his hands from his face to look at me. His cheeks were soaked and tears were still leaking from his reddened eyes. I reached out to wipe some of the tears away but I stopped when I saw a flinch in his expression. I should get him out of here first.

Still with one arm around his waist, I guided him the rest of the way to the edge of the room - if you could even call it that. It was more of a warehouse that had eaten a few too many pancakes. From my memory of the venue from previous occasions, I tried to remember what the different doors led to. Some were things like plant rooms and fuse cupboards and these were clearly marked on the doors. The next door I saw had a vidcon label on it and the closer I got I saw it was marked Industry Only. This would do. Industry was the kind of pass that Dan and I, and most of our friends had. I showed my pass to the security man on the door and he let us in.

The room we walked into was a medium size and was kitted out with comfy seats and snacks. It was one of the private relaxation areas reserved for youtubers. There were a few other people around, but that we could deal with. I dragged Dan over to a seat in the corner where he sat down greatfuly.

“You’re okay now,” I told him, “We’re away from all the crowd. Now, I need you to try and breathe with me, okay?”

Dan nodded. I rubbed his back with the hand I still had there.

“Okay,” I said, “We’re going to breathe in for four seconds, hold it for seven and breathe out for eight. I’ll count, you focus on doing it.”

Dan nodded once again and I began counting, “One, two, three, four. Now hold it. One, two three…”

I spent a good five to ten minutes counting as Dan regained control of his breathing. After it seemed okay again, we kept it going for an extra few breaths afterwards, just to be on the safe side.

“Okay, that’s much better,” I told him with an encouraging smile.

Getting his breathing under control was the first, and one of the most important steps of helping with his anxiety attack. Potentially, he could pass out and that wasn’t something I wanted happening now, or ever for that matter. Now to see how he was feeling in other areas; I could feel him shaking slightly next to me - was that resounding fear or just him feeling cold.

“Dan, are you cold?” I asked him, knowing from past experience that this was often one of his symptoms.

“Yeah,” he said, shivering as he spoke.

“Right,” I noted, “How does everything else feel?”

“Shaky,” he stated bluntly, his voice trembling slightly, “And slightly sick.”

“Okay, I’m going to go over there and get you a bottle of water,” I told him, pointing to one of the tables of snacks I had seen on the way in, “I’ll be right back.”

I got up, feeling bad about leaving him alone, even if it was only for a minute. I walked quickly there, grabbed a bottle of water and walked quickly back. I returned to his side and handed him the water.

“Can I hug you?” I asked, again asking for permission because he didn’t like being touched when he was having an anxiety attack, “To try and warm you up a little.”

“Okay,” he agreed, slightly reluctantly.

I wrapped my arms around him properly and leant a bit closer, trying to share some of my body heat. He slowly sipped at the water, while I hugged, rubbing his back and goosebumped arms. We stayed like that awhile, and gradually, I felt him shaking less. For that while it was a silent embrace, no words exchanged between us. The comforting hug was the most I could go.

It was a surprise that made the pair of us jump slightly that brought me back to my senses.

“Phil? Dan? Are you guys okay?” a familiar voice asked.

I looked up to see Louise standing close by, an expression of concern on her face.

“Uhh… Dan had a anxiety attack,” I told her, “We got stuck in the middle of a crowd. I had to shout to get everyone to move back.”

“How’re you feeling?” I asked Dan, wanting Louise to know how he felt and not just how I thought he felt.

“Not great, but a lot better,” he said, shuffling in my arms slightly.

“Is there anything I can do?” Louise asked, looking at me for an answer.

I was just about to open my mouth to reply, that, no, I couldn’t think of anything, when Dan butted in.

“You don’t happen to have a blanket by any chance, do you?” he asked, with a small chuckle.

“Hmmm, let me have a look,” Louise said, opening up her very small handbag and rummaging around inside it, “No, I don’t think I brought one today, sorry.”

“Awww,” Dan replied, “ I thought I might as well ask, you never know.”

I found myself laughing at Dan and Louise’s conversation too. It seemed to be exactly what he needed, a laugh with Louise to evict the anxious feelings from his mind.

“I’m guessing you’re cold from the blanket question? I can go and get you a coffee if that helps,” she suggested.

“A hot chocolate might help,” Dan said timidly, looking up at her, “Or decaf coffee.”

“Yeah, caffeine’s not a good idea,” I added. It wasn’t something that happened to everyone with anxiety, but for Dan having caffeine when he was feeling anxious would only make it worse

“Okay, I’ll be back in five minutes. I saw a place that sold coffee and the likes earlier,” Louise said, stepping slightly away from us.

“Oh Phil, do you want anything?” she added as an afterthought.

“Umm,” I said thinking for a second about whether I could do with a coffee or went for the polite approach and said no, “Yeah, a coffee would be great, thanks.”

I wasn’t needing it for its warmth; I was warm enough, sitting here in shorts and a t-shirt due to the hot weather. I felt I would appreciate the energy boost because today was already turning out to be a long day.

Louise disappeared into the distance and Dan sunk closer into my side.

“Thanks Phil,” he mumbled, “For helping me out.”

“It’s okay,” I told him, looking him in the eye, “Honestly, I wouldn’t leave you like that, ever.”

A small smile grew on Dan’s face. That I was glad to see because ten minutes ago he wasn’t anywhere near a smile.

“We’ll get you warmed up and then we’ll figure out what we’re doing about the rest of our afternoon,” I told him, keeping him informed on what we were up to so he didn’t have to worry about it.

“We have that panel. Are you remembering about that?” Dan asked me.

“Yeah, I know, but we’re only going if you’re feeling up to it,” I told him, “I can text John, I think he’s on it, and I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“I want to do it,” Dan said, “I’m fine as long as we don’t get stuck in any more crowds.”

“Think about it,” I told him, “I know you want to, but if you’re not feeling too good it’s maybe a better idea not to.”

“I’m fine,” he argued, “I’m just cold and a little shaky still, but I’ll be okay.”

“Alright,” I said, “That’s fine, but feel free to change your mind, okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, nuzzling closer into me as he shivered.

A couple of minutes later, I was still hugging Dan when Louise arrived back. I think he was starting to warm up, but hopefully a hot drink would do the trick.

Louise handed him a cup, “Hot chocolate. I thought the sugar might be good for you.”

“That’s probably the only time I’ll ever hear that,” Dan commented, slightly amused, “Sugar being good for me!? Thank you.”

Louise passed me my coffee and sat down at Dan’s other side. She had a drink for herself too.

“I thought I might join you guys for a bit, if that’s okay,” she said.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I told her, “We do have a panel to get to fairly soon so we will need to get going after we finish these. I might text John and explain we might be a couple minutes late though.”

“Dan alright to do the panel?” she asked looking at both of us, “What’s it on? I can stand in for you if you want.”

“I’m fine, I want to do it,” Dan told her, “But thanks for the offer.”

Louise flashed me a concerned look. I was guessing that, like me, she wasn’t sure if Dan was up to it. Problem was, if he had his mind set on doing something, he didn’t give up easily. I mouthed the words ‘I’ve tried’ at her, when Dan wasn’t looking. Louise nodded, knowing just as well as me that he wouldn’t give in easily.

We sat sipping our hot drinks for ten minutes. I was feeling a little more energised and Dan was shivering less. I released him from my arms.

“You a bit less cold?” I asked him.

“Yep,” he replied, “That warmed me up from the inside. Should we go to the panel now? It starts at quarter past, right?”

I looked at my phone, “Uhhh, actually it starts in two minutes.”

“Come on Phil,” Dan said, jumping to his feet, “We need to go. It takes like five minutes to get there.”

I got up quickly and placed my hands on his shoulders, “Hey, don’t rush yourself. I’ll text John and say we’ll be a few minutes late.”

“Alright,” Dan replied, his shoulders relaxing slightly; he knew he couldn’t persuade me otherwise on this one.”

I opened up a new text and started typing:

_Hey John, sorry but me and Dan are gonna be five minutes late for the panel. He had an anxiety attack about twenty minutes ago and needed a little time to recover - all good now though. We’re on our way - see you soon._

I hit send on the text, not spending too much time on the wording. It wasn’t very well worded but it got the message across. I slid my phone back into my pocket and looked to Dan.

“Right, if we go out that door there,” I said, stopping to point to a door at the other side of the room from where we came in, “We go out into a back corridor which should take us to where our panel is without having to go through all the people.”

“Okay, that sounds great,” Dan commented, “I was worried about going back out there, in case it happened again.”

Dan and I said goodbye to Louise, promising to meetup with her later in the day, or possibly the next day. I put one arm around Dan’s waist, like I had earlier, and we walked out into the back corridor. There we had a little more freedom to be ourselves, without any of our fans trying to make something out of our every action. The public contact we made earlier, I had only initiated because it was necessary. Looking after Dan was way more important than looking after our image.

The walk to where the panel was, took, as I’d expected, about five minutes. We arrived backstage to see John and the other panel members preparing to go on stage.

“I got your text,” John said, greeting us, “Are you sure about doing the panel? I can get someone else on if you want.”

“I’m alright now, there’s no need to do that,” Dan told him, sounding fed up of it being suggested once again that maybe he shouldn’t do it.

“Alright then, get yourselves ready; we’ll be going on in a couple of minutes. Things were running late anyway,” he told us, “And Dan, if you need to get out of there or anything, just get up and go; I understand. I’m not saying you’ll need to but just…”

“Yeah, okay,” Dan said, his voice straining in attempt to not sound angry.

Once John had walked away to talk to someone else, Dan turned to me for a small outburst.

“Why does everyone think I won’t be able to do things because I have anxiety. It’s not fair, I just want to be like everyone else and I try my best, but it seems like everyone assumes I can’t do this,” he ranted.

“Dan,” I said, placing my hand on his shoulder, “I believe in you, okay. I only suggested not doing it in case you didn’t want to and didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t push you on that once I had your answer. I’m sure everyone else was just checking you were fine with it too. We just care about you; it’s not just because of your anxiety.”

“Sometimes it feels like everyone cares too much then, it’s kind of obnoxious,” he told me.

“You don’t want a hug then?” I asked, him, opening my arms wide as an invite.

“I don’t mind you caring, it’s just having too many people caring that bothers me,” he said, walking forwards into my arms.

“We can talk about this more later if you want,” I told him, patting him on the back, “Everyone else is waiting for us, but remember what John said, if it’s too much.”

I felt a bit wary reminding Dan of that fact, but I knew he’d appreciate it if he did need to leave. I let my arms fall back to my side and we hurried over to where everyone was lined up to go on stage. No comment was made about our little exchange and we stepped up onto the stage, walking over to the table, where we sat down in front of thousands.

I was at one end of the table, with Dan right next to me. As we all sat down, I shuffled my chair slightly closer to him, making myself closer to the rest of the group, but more importantly to Dan. We all introduced ourselves and the discussion got underway. The panel went pretty well actually. Dan was maybe a bit quieter than he would usually have been, but I don’t think anyone noticed.

That evening, when we were alone in our hotel room, with all the time in the world, I brought back up the conversation Dan and I had had right before going on stage for the panel. He was feeling better about the whole thing now, and explained to me that at the time, everyone looking out for him was a bit overwhelming. He did his best to be a strong, independent man, to not let his anxiety define him or get the better of him. We established that although at times he found it obnoxious, deep down he appreciated the thought.

Sometimes you can care too much, but you never know until someone tells you. Everyone reacts differently to acts of kindness and affection. Some people bathe in the attention, others try to push it away, some do a mixture. What’s important is showing you do care, showing you believe in them, because no matter what they say, everyone needs someone to be there for them, to feel loved and cared for to some extent.


End file.
